“The Most Meta Orgasm of My Life

Or how I finally began to understand self-love.

- Emma Flint

10 minutes into scrolling through bad, jackhammer-y porn, I was ready to give up. I was horny and desperate to get off to something that was not so performative or obviously filtered through the male gaze. I wanted to see a real person experiencing genuine, orgasmic pleasure.

A real person like...well, me. And that is when I realised I'd never find that someone in any video unless that someone was actually me.

I did not have the interest (or the time, let's be real) to attempt to get myself cast in some kind of off-Broadway version of a porn shoot, but there was something instantly sexy about the idea of filming myself right there on my phone. Except. Every insecurity I have ever had begged me not to open my camera app.