Chasing Shadows

With all these dodgy characters around, Doris was delighted when her Alf rigged up an alarm that was very effective…

- Alma Harris

Sunnyside Home for the Bewildered

Dear Madge, As you can see from the above, I’m no longer at Honeysuckle Cottage but, rest assured, Neil and I are being very well looked after.

It all started when some thug tried to steal Mr Mackie’s war medals and got two broken arms and a dislocated shoulder for his trouble. He complained to the police so they decided to charge Mr Mackie with grievous bodily harm.

My Alf was furious. “To think a toerag like that can put an old soldier in court,” he said. “Whatever will you do when I’m gone?”

I thought I’d move in with Mr Mackie, but I didn’t like to say.

Well, you know Alf. First of all he wanted to electrocute the thieving blighters but down the pub they said that was illegal. Then he rather fancied a moat but the neighbours weren’t keen.

Next he decided on a wall, like the one Hadrian built to keep the barbarians out, but the planning department said no, at least not the height he wanted.

He was fuming. In his dad’s day, he said, your home was your castle. You could build a wall high as you liked and stuff the top with as much broken glass as you could lay your hands on.

He went into a right sulk, pacing the garden like a soul possessed. By then it had gone back to nature – good job that “conservation thing” had come in. We should leave plants alone so that wildlife could overwinter in them. At our place, they over-summered in them as well.

Anyway, when he finally came in he was smiling broadly.