FOR THE LOVE OF ARGUING

FIGHTING, DONE WELL, BENEFITS RELATIONSHIPS. IN HIS NEW BOOK, 8 RULES OF LOVE, PODCASTER AND FORMER MONK JAY SHETTY EXPLAINS HOW TO HAVE THE KIND OF FIGHTS THAT ULTIMATELY BRING YOU CLOSER.

EVERY COUPLE ARGUES-OR SHOULD. No matter how compatible you are, living in conflict-free bliss isn't love; it's avoidance. But how do you argue in a way that's not just having the same old fight every time? Knowing your fight styles-how each of you processes conflict-makes it easier to get a handle on your arguments and helps you stay neutral. My wife, Radhi, and I have completely different styles of arguing. I want to dive in and talk it out, whereas she wants to collect her thoughts and cool down a bit before we speak. I'm eager to find a resolution, while she wants to take a break; decompress and think through the issue on her own before reconvening. Understanding this about each other stopped me from feeling hurt when she would go quiet during an argument, and it stopped her from being annoyed when I would want to discuss an issue at length. Identifying your partner's fight style and your own is the first step towards fighting for love.

FIND YOUR FIGHT STYLE

MOST PEOPLE rely on one of these when conflict arises. See which best describes you: