5 ways to get better at saying no

THERE'S A COMMON Malfunction that occurs when well-intentioned people open their mouths to say no: the word yes tumbles out instead.

- ANGELA HAUPT

We've all been there, says Vanessa Bohns, department chair and professor of organizational behavior at Cornell University. No is a deceptively short, simple word that can trigger several layers of anxiety for the person trying to say it. "We worry that we're essentially communicating that we're not a helpful person; we're not a nice, kind person; we're not a team player."

At the same time, we're likely stressing over how that no might offend the other person, and what it conveys about our relationship with them. As Bohns puts it, you might think "it's telling the person, 'Your standing with me is not what you thought it was.'"

In reality, however, there's an array of benefits associated with learning to say no. "If you're saying yes to everything, people are more likely to ask you again and again," Bohns says. "You wind up being the person who gets all the asks, and that can lead to burnout, problems with work-life balance, feeling like you're being taken advantage of, and a loss of autonomy." Plus, an inability to say no could cause priorities such as hobbies, relationships, or projects to suffer. "Each time we say yes to something, we're implicitly saying no to something else," Bohns points out.

Experts recommend these strategies to get better at saying no.

1. Be intentional about what you communicate