The Strong, Silent Type

Around twice as many women as men are reported to suffer from depression but the suicide rate for menis five times higher. Is depression the new, silent killer of men?

- Kelleigh Korevaar

Five years ago, Jack’s* son was born. It was a difficult birth, and he and his wife were told their child might not survive his first night. But he struggled through that night, and each day after that, until finally – after 10 days in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit – he was strong enough to leave.

That day was life-altering; the new family was leaving the hospital, and the joy-filled phone calls didn’t stop. But one phone call they didn’t expect was one from Jack’s work; he’d been retrenched from the job he loved. The day that was supposed to be one of his happiest and most relieving had turned into one that left the family’s future uncertain.

After that, Jack’s son grew; but so did the dark cloud over them. His wife suffered from severe post-natal depression, and Jack was trying to keep everything together at home whist completing his PhD.

“To say that I was anxious would be an understatement. I think if I had gone to a therapist then, it would really have helped. I thought I just needed to be stronger,” he recalls.

“I did absolutely nothing. I thought this was something I just needed to get through. That once the storm had passed, I would get better. I thought that medicating myself wouldn’t make the problems go away. I failed to think that it would make them bearable. I lived with crippling anxiety for years before I did something.”

Shortly before Jack’s 40th birthday, he and his wife separated, he had a work crisis, and he started losing patience with his young son for no reason. Jack was overwhelmed, unable to cope: he fell apart. Having narrowly escaped the noose, he reached out to his friends. His musician friends immediately came back with messages of love and support; but his football friends said nothing.