The Luxury of Silence

Grieving a dissolved marriage, Nora Walsh seeks peace and compassion at a meditation retreat in California.

-  Nora Walsh

AS I SAT CROSS-LEGGED on a red cushion, tears ran down my cheeks. The afternoon sun poured through large picture windows, warming the right side of my body. The rise and fall of my chest was heavy with the dull ache of a broken heart. "This is what grief feels like," I thought.

My decade-long marriage to a man I deeply love had dissolved, and I had come to the Spirit Rock Meditation Center, in the secluded hills of Marin County, north of San Francisco, to steady myself. Led by the author and meditation teacher Oren Jay Sofer, the seven-day silent retreat focused on the four brahmavihāra, or Buddhist virtues: loving-kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity.

I arrived on a Saturday afternoon last fall. After checking in, I was assigned spartan sleeping quarters in a dorm, where I met my roommate: a thirtysomething woman from California. We exchanged stories as we made up our single beds in crisp white sheets and quilted blue comforters. She, too, was going through a difficult separation.

We walked to the main meditation hall, where Sofer held a welcome ceremony, introduced the teachers, and invited us to turn in our phones, which I did. There were about 75 people in the group, most of us Americans, like me. The teachers took turns walking us through the week. Each day would consist of meditations, silent walks, communal meals, house chores, and Buddhist teachings.