Why I chose to DITCH MY FRIENDS

When she turned 40, Rebecca Thornton was forced to evaluate the relationships that were dragging her down

- REBECCA THORNTON, ANNA MATHESON

Sometimes it takes a life-changing event to force you to look at yourself and realise that you need to make some changes. When I turned 40, in October last year, not only did I hit a new milestone in my life and publish my third novel, but I also spent months battling an illness. I was exhausted. These changes, along with an honest conversation with my best friend, made me reassess my relationships with other people and afterwards, I decided to let go of around 80% of my friendships that had become toxic.

That might sound callous, but after nearly two decades of people-pleasing, I was burnt out and forced to take drastic action. In my early 20s, I worked in various admin jobs in London and loved the nights out and party lifestyle. Changing jobs several times meant I had a lot of different groups of friends and I hated falling out of touch with anyone. This meant I was going out for drinks and dinner up to four times a week and there was always a birthday to attend at the weekend. Even if I didn’t particularly like someone, I would be scared to say ‘no’ to an invite. I just hated the idea of letting people down.

No spare time

At 23, I met my now husband Oliver, who works in commercial property, and he loved a night out as much as me. Still, even then, he couldn’t quite understand why I didn’t just turn down an invitation to lunch or dinner when I really didn’t want to go.

‘They won’t even notice,’ he’d say, but I couldn’t help but feel guilty. I’d always wanted to be an author, but as my friendships were taking up so much of my headspace, I didn’t have time to put the effort in to make a career change. I barely had a spare moment and if I did set aside a weekend, I’d end up being too tired or hungover to work.