CATEGORIES

Pongs of Praise

DESPERATE ALED HAD TO POO IN UCKSACK AFTER ‘DODGY’ KEBAB

CRACKDOWN ON TARQUINS

New powers to stop protests

United front for Hecky's squad

UNCERTAINTY is everywhere at Sheffield United right now and ex-defender Matt Kilgallon has warned that any new signings must fit Paul Heckingbottom’s “team first” ethos.

MESSI MISSING FOR SCALONI FOOL

LIONEL MESSI is prepared to take a break from international football for up to a year to concentrate on his new career at Inter Miami in the MLS.

Wood you dare do it TIME TO DROP JIMMY?

IT WOULD be considered a crime against English cricket.

UNIDENTIFIED FRYING OBJECT

Russ films a 'fish' UFO

Hope we never lose that flame

THEY say it’s the hope that kills you… but it’s also what fuels you.

Gregg's on fit mission

MASTERCHEF presenter Gregg Wallace says he wants a statue of himself in Trafalgar Square… holding up a pineapple.

PATSY'S BACK!

Popular star returns for EastEnding

Sunak: UK keeping a close eye

RISHI Sunak said he is in touch with allies about the armed rebellion in Russia.

RUSSIAN ROULETTE

Warlord orders tanks to pull back | Putin has survived coup bid. for now | Wagner leader's still calling shots

HOT DOG SELLER AND EX-CON TO 'TOP DOG'

NOTORIOUS Yevgeny Prigozhin was a hot dog seller who became known as Putin's Chef.

Surrender to us, says Ukraine

UKRAINE offered Russian soldiers the chance to surrender last night and avoid a bloodbath.

Vin turns Connor into a winner

BURNLEY defender Connor Roberts says boss Vincent Kompany has  revolutionised his understanding of football

Nathan is key player

NATHAN AKE has revealed how the magic of music ensured Manchester City didn’t miss a beat in their bid for the Treble

DEADLY VIRUSES 'THAW'

Risk as boffins revive strains emerging as permafrost melts

I get possessed by phantoms of opera

LLOYD WEBBER: GREATS GUIDE ME

Mystery of Sixties hit revealed

PROCOL Harum keyboard star Josh Phillips may have finally explained the mystery lyrics to their most famous song

Peacocks in 'murder most fowl'

AN ANIMAL sanctuary is organising a “rescue mission” for peacocks terrorising a small town after several were found dead

WAR REPORTER BOWEN WEARS KEVLAR PANTS

VETERAN war reporter Jeremy Bowen has revealed he wears bomb-proof pants to protect his crown jewels when he is covering conflicts around the world

I was abducted by aliens at RAF airbase

MUM \"FORGOT' ENCOUNTER WITH UFO

WATER SNEAKS

'Hosey neighbours' urged to grass up pipe ban flouters..

Take That star's Nott welcome

TAKE That star Howard Donald has been axed from Nottingham Pride for liking a series of “transphobic” and “homophobic” tweets

BOZO'S NOTE BOOKS 'RISK TO SECURITY'

BORIS “Bozo” Johnson’s notebooks from his time as Prime Minister are being withheld as it is feared they hold state secrets.

Brexit 'hit pandemic planning'

BREXIT stopped Britain from being equipped to deal with the pandemic, a top Cabinet Office official has told the Covid Inquiry

Match-fixing shame is beyond my Ken

FORMER world champion Ken Doherty has been left “deeply saddened” by the worst match-fixing scandal in snooker’s history.

PEP'S PERFECTION

Sheikh sees Guardiola genius crowned

Ty not only Villan to warrant closer look says Daley

TYRONE MINGS’ England recall is richly deserved following a sensational seven months for Unai Emery’s Aston Villa.

LAND OF POPE & CRAWLEY

Vice-captain backs Zak

GARCIA KEEPS UP OPEN SERG

SERGIO GARCIA plays his 24th successive US Open this week, having kicked down the back door into the tournament to keep his incredible run going.