ARRESTED FOR ASSAULT WITH DIRTY DIAPER

CRAPPY crybaby Damian Kasten flung a feces-filled diaper at his brother during an argument at their Florida home and was busted for domestic battery, cops say.

BLACK WIDOWS MAKING COMEBACK

ALARMED health officials are warning citizens across the Southwest the lethal black widow spider is returning with a vengeance after nearly being hunted to extinction!

FLORIDA IS WORLD'S SHARK BITE CAPITAL

A NEW map of the hot zones where sharks attack people shows that nearly 50 years after the movie Jaws first made people paranoid about splashing back into the water, the ferocious fish are going after MORE humans than ever!

FEDS MONKEYING WITH RETIRED LAB CHIMPS

Ignore law requiring shipment to sanctuary

LOST UNDER 300 LBS. OF FAT!

Sci-fi star Jorge Garcia livin' large

VAIN COSTNER, 69, GETS FULL RE-DO!

Hair weaves, Botox, teeth & spray tans

FLESH DANCE!

Erotic ballerina earns $385G a year!

CHIP & JOANNA CALLED OUT AS SHOW-OFFS!

FIXER Upper stars Chip and Joanna Gaines need to do some remodeling on their reputation after fans slammed them for getting a little too big for their work britches!

THE REIGN IN SPAIN IS A TERRIBLE PAIN!

King on his own as queen accused of cheating with brother-in-law

THE SMOKING GUN!

Diddy sex accuser has unwashed clothes from claimed attack

DUMPED MADONNA ON PROWL FOR NEW BOYTOY!

But aging cougar's ego took a beating

TOXIC ELLEN EATING CROW

Rebuilding career from the bottom

MATTHEW'S GHOST HAUNTS COURTENEY

Lovestruck Friends icon still visiting co-star Cox

WHY DABNEY DIED HAPPY!

Went out with style after playing creeps

GLOVES OFF IN JACKSON GAG ORDER!

Try to keep lid on molest accusers ahead of biopic

NET PROBES DISGRACED BEAUTY PAGEANTS!

THE CW says it will investigate the beleaguered Miss USA and Miss Teen USA beauty pageants before deciding whether to roll out the red carpet for them on the airwaves this summer!

DEMONIC DIDDY'S GOOSE IS COOKED

Hotel video captures vile attack on lover

JOHN MAYER WINS ANDY'S LOVE AGAIN

STARRY-EYED Andy Cohen was all hearts and flowers as he swooned over a mash note his BFF John Mayer wrote to stop nosy parkers from speculating over whether the two BFFs are having sex!

NASCAR RACERS SLUG IT OUT AFTER CRASH!

Stenhouse & Busch swap nasty digs and punches

CROCODILE TEARS!

Pet owner & bestie heartsick after seized gator moves to Texas

COUGAR CHASES FAMILY FELINE!

Kitty uses up its ninth life

UNBEARABLE TRAGEDY

Blood-crazed bruin kills Chihuahua & attacks another dog

ELVIS' GRANDDAUGHTER FIGHTS FOR GRACELAND!

Forgery scandal as lender claims his child Lisa Marie mortgaged estate

COP SCALPED IN BIZARRE BITE ATTACK

NUMBSKULL James Michael Anderson chowed down on a cop’s cranium in Florida — biting the lawman “so severely” he exposed the victim’s bone and caused “permanent disfigurement,” according to an arrest affidavit.

JUDGE BUSTED IN DRIVE-BY SHOOTINGS!

Accused of pumping hot lead into parked cars & brother-in-law's house

RETIRED GENERAL ARRESTED AS KIDDIE RAPIST!

SCANDAL-scarred hero Mike Houston McClendon was once flying high in the U.S. Air Force — but the retired brigadier general has seen his reputation nosedive after being arrested for allegedly raping a minor!

REALITY BELLE DUI ARREST AFTER CRASH

SOUSED Southern Charm alum Kathryn Dennis was blitzed behind the wheel when she was involved in a three-car collision in South Carolina, lawmen say.

SPEARS CLAN FISHING TO WIN BRITNEY BACK!

Plan to lure songbird away from toxic L.A.

PLAYING HOUSE!

Love rat Rep dumps wife & seven kids for rotunda romp!

HOME ALONE CROOK SOAKS BIESEOT TRUMP

SLY Daniel Stern managed to pull a fast one on notorious tightwad Donald Trump while shooting Home Alone 2: Lost in New York!