CATEGORIES

DON'T PANIC

Pep backs Dads Army to beat slump

THAT'S A LOP BETTER.LADS

Under-fire Julen's boost as Toon are blown howay

NICE LITTLER EARNER

Luke jackpot vow as punters eye up £60k nine-darter

CON THE MEND

Hill could make Kempton

ROLEING WITH THE PUNCHES

Lone'er feels like film star

COLD SHOULDER FOR PETS SHAME

Chilling total of critters left to die a worry

RISE OF THE RICH & POSH ZOMBIES

Tech will cheat death if you can afford it

They'll be stinking in the valleys

WELSH FART MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE

Bot the builder

TECH KILLER DANGER ON WORK SITES

I TACKLED KEANE & HE KICKED OFF

Ipswich fan on bust-up

Porch pirates out to wreck Black Friday

23M PACKAGES NICKED EVERY YEAR

Brits missing as diving boat sinks in Egypt

RESCUE BID IN RED SEA

SWAMPED

Storm Bert leaves widespread floods

Return of the Max

RUSS PLEA TO OME BACK FROM DEAD

EX-CONS TO FILL DEMAND FOR LABOUR

Prison plan to train lags for job vacancies

MARCHING GNON TOGETHER

WILFRIED GNONTO came off the bench to rescue Leeds with the goal that finally sent them to the top of the Championship table.

PASSPORT CONTROL

Brighton are rocking and fans are dreaming of Europe again but Veltman warns: Put travel plans on hold for now

MATHEUS ROSY

Cheers to Cunha as magic show leaves O'Neil future looking bright

YELLER FEVER

Vocal discord takes grip at Villa but Inai says: Keep calm and carry on

HE'S No.1 AND ONLY

At least Ruben has a real keeper in Onana

ALEX THE GREAT

Isak can be the world's best striker says Howe

JAPAN EASY

Win at last but jury's still out on Borthwick

IT'S A FACT!

Rising star is new Gold Cup favourite

SAVE OUR SUCKERS FROM EXTINCTION

Leeches `cure humans & eco-systems

Work's killing us

LONG HOURS ARE HARMING HEALTH

LAGS TO RICHES!

Inmates raking in more than prison officers

ROSES ARE RED POETRY IS ROO

Wayne: I will write ode for Jungle missus

Booze fans prefer afternoon delight

TREND FOR A DAYTIME SESH & BED

VLAD'S CYBER ATTACK ON UK

Blitz to cripple our power grids

'FLEAS NAVIDAD' THANKS TO PETS

Xmas 'gift' of rashes for visitors