A FRIEND ONCE SAID that social media has gone from a way to take a break to something you have to take breaks from. The degree of power it wields—to connect, reach out, have our voices heard by people anywhere in the world—also comes with the potential to bring out the worst in us.

A lot of us have, at some point, been unwitting spectators of personal and public drama. Sometimes we watch with anticipation, or even add fuel to the flame as celebrities and regular people alike are roasted—dragged, ended, canceled—in 140 characters or less.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but that thoughtless comment might leave long lasting psychological scars. If you believe online shaming is not a big deal because it’s “not real,” think again. In our efforts to defend our side of the argument—especially if it’s someone we don’t like—we forget the human on the other side of the screen.

It really does a number on the self-esteem of those targeted. Mica* experienced it because of a real-life misunderstanding, and says that it definitely took a toll on the self-esteem of those involved: “You’d think you’re only as good as people say you are.”

Sandra* also experienced a crossover from a real-life fight that eventually turned into straight up online bullying. It ruined her reputation among her social circles, especially when an unknown number claiming to be her repeatedly harassed several people via text. “I didn’t even know half the people who liked the tweets calling me out,” she says about the ordeal. Her depression reached a point where she experienced suicidal urges—her real friends slept at her condo to make sure she didn’t do anything rash.