INTO THE DEEP!

MY FEAR OF WATER HAS HELD ME BACK MY WHOLE LIFE. SO I DIVED INTO THE SCIENCE OF HOW AND WHY ALL OF US ARE SCARED OF SOMETHING AND THEN I TOOK THE PLUNGE.

- SEAN ABRAMS

I REALLY DON'T want to die here. That's all I'm thinking as my toes maintain a death grip on the edge of the pool at my local gym.

I'm surrounded by a swim instructor, a lifeguard and a few people who are swimming around as if they actually like it. But I keep thinking of drowning. I have a crippling fear of the water, and as a result, I have absolutely no idea how to swim. Yes, I'm 31 years old, and no, I cannot do a lapor even float.

That alone isn't what troubles me, though. It's that my lack of skill puts me in a petrified state that keeps me from living life to the fullest. If I'm forced to set foot on a beach (and let's be real: I try to avoid it), I won't even go into the water up to my ankles. If I'm on a boat, even if it's the bougiest of yachts, you can find me wearing a life vest with my hand clenching a railing. I'll only consider standing in a pool if it's less than one metre deep. I never, ever take baths.

I'm not quite sure what caused my extreme aquaphobia. I have no recollection of being held underwater during a prank, having to dodge the jaws of a great white or getting warnings from protective parents that left a permanent scorch mark on my brain. There is, at least, a little comfort in knowing that everyone's scared of something. Whether it's a fear of spiders or a fear of setting off a social-media disaster, each phobia has the same disruptive effects on our brains and lives. The fear response doesn't discriminate; it works in the same way no matter what scares you shitless. What I do know is that I was sick of living this way. So I did something rash.

I signed up for eight weeks of one-on-one swim lessons with my gym's swim coach Kevin Dominguez. Trial by water. Whatever you want to call it, I was going to conquer my fear by plunging into its depths and learning how my fear-and all our fears-work.