Are Envy And Jealousy Impacting Your Friendships?

That doesn’t mean you’re a bad friend.

- Patia Braithwaite

There’s a good chance this has happened to you: someone you love receives great news – maybe they’re having a baby, or they’ve scored their dream job. You’re happy for them, genuinely, but there’s a little sourness draped over your excitement. A small voice says, “I wish it were me” or “Ugh, why do things always work out for them?”

Honestly, it’s painful to long for something your loved one has when you really want to cheer them on. And when these emotions crop up in our friendships, it’s hard to know what to do. To begin with, let’s clear up a misconception: you may not be experiencing jealousy at all.

“Jealousy usually involves three people,” the American Psychological Association explains in its definition of the emotion. Typically, it occurs when you resent someone else for seemingly taking away your beloved’s attention or affection. Envy, on the other hand, happens when you’re coveting someone else’s accomplishments, accolades or possessions, the APA explains, neither of which make you a bad person. Whether you call it jealousy, envy or something else, “it can be a normal feeling”, says licensed marriage and family therapist Dr Vernessa Roberts. But she poses the following question: what are you going to do with that [feeling]? Your answer can take envy and jealousy from perfectly natural emotions to something that can complicate your friendships.

So, if you’re dealing with jealousy or envy and you don’t know what to do, read the following tips for managing your emotions.

Admit your feelings to yourself in the third person.