I ONCE looked after a herd of alpacas. It wasn’t particularly pleasurable. I couldn’t catch them, I could barely herd them, they disliked me immensely and spat at me frequently. By far the worst bit about the job was having to hold the stud while it covered the females. I wouldn’t say watching any animal shag is my idea of fun but standing by while two cottonwool balls on pipe cleaners sit down and whimper, baa and grunt their way to ecstasy really takes the biscuit. Narrowly worse, was taking a terrier round to a friend’s house once to see if their labrador bitch was ready for the pedigree stud. The terrier heroically humped her back leg for the time it took to call for the dog but the stud was far less tenacious – a bit fat and lazy, in fact. We ended up guiding him in and held on while the magic happened; the bitch looked less than amused.
Given the tenacity shown by that terrier, during the Covid puppy boom I volunteered my Griff when another friend was in desperate want for a stud for his Border, assuming it would be a doddle. Bless him, all the ambition was there but the technique was less impressive. He definitely knew he was meant to be doing something, he just wasn’t sure quite where he was meant to be doing it. Several frenetic laps of the yard and some dubious doggy foreplay later, the bitch looked wholly bored, Griff had perfected his action but his geography was shot. After several goes at her ear they finally pieced it together under the table in the garden where we were eating dinner, although despite his efforts and her tolerance no puppies materialised.
Denne historien er fra February 2021-utgaven av The Field.
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Denne historien er fra February 2021-utgaven av The Field.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
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Rory Stewart - The former Cabinet minister and hit podcast host talks to Alec Marsh about the parlous state of British politics, land management and his deep love of the countryside
The gently spoken 51-year-old former Conservative Cabinet minister is a countryman at heart. That's clear: he even changes into a tweed waistcoat for the interview, which takes place at his London home and begins with a question about his precise career status. Having resigned from the Commons and the Conservative Party in 2019, the former diplomat and soldier has reinvented himself, first with an unconventional but promising run as an independent for the London mayoralty (abandoned because of COVID19 in 2020) and then as a media figure, co-hosting one of the country's most popular podcasts, The Rest Is Politics, alongside Alastair Campbell, the former Labour spin doctor.
Fodder
Local fare with the feel-good factor.
Celebrating the game changers
Once served only in the traditional manner, the fruits of our forays now find their way into all manner of diverse and delicious dishes, say Neil and Serena Cross
The first civil engineer
John Smeaton left an indelible mark on the field of engineering and, three centuries after his birth, his legacy remains as strong as ever
School spirits
From grey ladies and ghostly gardeners to more malign entities, public schools are a rich repository of unnatural phenomena
'A long way from Piccadilly or Pall Mall'
Marking 150 years since the birth of Sir Winston Churchill, Dr Conor Farrington explores this eminent statesman’s often-overlooked 1907 tour of British East Africa: a journey rich with enchanting natural beauty and sporting adventure
Top of the pups
Canines in all their guises were celebrated at The Field Top Dog Awards lunch at Defender Burghley Horse Trials whether eager on the peg, patient at home or perpetually making mischief
Angling for success
It’s never too early to shape up for next season’s salmon and trout, and these top fishing schools are here to help
Talking scents
The canine nose is an astonishingly complex piece of biotechnology that man has harnessed for sustenance and sport for thousands of years
Wall-to-wall excitement
Criss-crossed by formidable drystone walls, the High Peak Harriers’ scenic country provides a day out with an exhilarating difference