How To Start Over With Friends

In a society that fetishises friendship groups, what do you do when yours collapses? Three women reveal their own BFF break-ups and how they created a new social circle.

‘Ditching my old friends was the best thing for me’

When she outgrew her social group, Giselle Wainwright, 29, made a conscious effort to create a new one.

‘Last summer, I was in a bar surrounded by the same girlfriends I’ve had for ten years. One of them was arguing with the other, another was crying into her drink about a guy who “didn’t like her”, and I sat there thinking, “Why is every night like this?” Then it hit me: I had a choice.

‘That evening made me realise that I needed a social switch-up. The realisation had started as a little trickle of friendship issues and turned into an avalanche of problems that I didn’t want to deal with.

‘At first, I tried to simply ignore the squabbles, but after another argument on WhatsApp; another he-said she-said about a new boyfriend, I was exhausted.

‘It didn’t help that my personal life had taken a nosedive. Last year, my parents split after 37 years of marriage, and their emotional fallout weighed heavily on me. As I struggled to prop up each parent, I couldn’t take my friend’s ridiculous squabbles seriously. I didn’t care whether Sophie’s boyfriend “looked like he wasn’t going to be a good fit for her, and should we tell her?” I had no time for it.

‘I decided I would actively try to meet more people. I tried a spinning class with someone I met at a party (fun, but my white-wine habit got in the way of any meaningful meet-ups) and I tried talking to strangers in the pub. At the same time, I changed jobs and cemented a close bond with some of my new colleagues.