The new NEIGHBOUR

Jane moves in next door, so where is Mr D?

- Rosie x

''You might be forgiven for thinking that this page is written in a tearing hurry, cobbled together at 4.55 pm on a Friday afternoon from spare parts, but that would be unfair on my crack team of researchers.

Here is a full account of our latest meeting, at 4.45 pm on a recent Friday afternoon:

Me: So, crack team of researchers, what have you got for me?

Crack team: Did you know that the oldest surviving biscuit dates back to 1784, and is at the National Maritime Museum?

Me: We’ve done biscuits. We’re always doing biscuits.

Crack team: All right, did you know that afternoon tea was invented by the Duchess of Bedford, who was lady-in-waiting to Queen Victoria?

Me: Very interesting, but don’t you have anything that isn’t tea and biscuit-related?

There is a lot of muttered consultation, shuffling of papers, and finally some triumphant fist-pumping.

Me: Come on then, what have you got?

Crack team: Did you know that Britain doesn’t have a special day to celebrate neighbours?

Me: (reluctantly, and with a sigh) No, can’t say I did. Tell me more.