When you become a mother, it's really easy to start putting yourself second. Despite our best-laid and most feminist plans, babies are born physically and emotionally reliant on their mothers. As a result of this, the habit of neglecting yourself in order to care for your child is formed early - and it's hard to break.
Taking care of your physical, emotional, financial and intellectual needs should not be a bonus you fit in once everyone else in the house is content. You don't always have to be at the back of the self-care queue.
Neglecting your desires leads to anger and resentment, especially if it falls to you to make sure everyone else is fed, entertained and getting enough sleep. Resentment is poisonous to relationships, making it impossible to truly connect with your children or partner. If you're feeling angry, your feelings are justified.
If you feel like it would be selfish to ask for more time, energy or resources to devote to yourself, it's time to acknowledge the fact that you are a human being, and you matter just as much as any other member of your family. Your feelings matter. Your physical and mental health matter. That caring for yourself makes you a better, more energised mother and sets a good example to your children is just an added extra. You deserve self-care.
Before kids, meeting your own needs might not always have been easy, but it was a hell of a lot simpler. After kids, even finding the time and headspace to figure out what those needs are feels like a bit of a luxury.
This is your cue to spend a bit of time thinking about yourself. There are six main types of self-care [see right]. As you may have noticed, the boundaries between these different types of self-care can get blurred. Taking a yoga class can be physical, emotional and social self-care, for example.
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Denne historien er fra April 2023-utgaven av Psychologies UK.
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