'Stop gaslighting me!' I'm a little ashamed to say it's a phrase I've used more than once when losing an argument with my husband. Ashamed to say it because we both know what it really means, and because it's something I've really gone through in the past, in a different relationship. It was a horrible experience: having my version of events questioned; being told I was imagining things; being told I'd said something I definitely didn't; or that they hadn't said something that they absolutely, definitely had. The overall effect was to manipulate and undermine, leading me to question everything I thought I knew. As a result, I take gaslighting very seriously.
So, I found it quite shocking to discover that 'gaslighting' is 2022's Word of the Year, according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary. Doesn't that kind of jokey title, which brings to mind other dubious honours such as 'rear of the year' or 'beard of the decade' (I might have made that one up), rather undermine the seriousness of this term? To find out more, I speak to neuroscientist and clinical psychologist Dr Albert Moukheiber, author of Your Brain Is Playing Tricks On You: How The Brain Shapes Opinions And Perceptions (Legend Press, £9.99), who explains the concept to me.
'The word actually comes from a play and a movie [the 1944 film Gaslight], in which the main character changes the temperature of the house without telling his partner,' he explains. 'And when she says "It's quite hot," he tells her "No, no, I didn't touch the heating." Then he starts changing the lights, turning them on and off, making them flicker, but all the while telling her that he's never touched them.
'It's a really interesting psychological portrayal of manipulation in a relationship, and as a result of that, it has become used as a means of describing the behaviour of someone that makes you doubt your memories.'
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Denne historien er fra January 2023-utgaven av Psychologies UK.
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Why Are We So Sensitive About Being Sensitive? - Feeling empathy, energy and emotion keenly is not a failing - it can be your strength and your superpower, discovers Yasmina Floyer
All of us are sensitive - it is the very nature of being human. However, as with most behavioural characteristics, it exists on a scale. Jenn Granneman, founder of the world's largest community for introverts and co-author, along with Andre Sólo, of Sensitive (Penguin, £10.99), tells me about the characteristics of someone who is highly sensitive: 'Simply put, if you're a highly sensitive person, your body and mind respond more to the world around you. You respond more to heartbreak, pain, and loss - but you also respond more to beauty, new ideas, and joy. You're more affected by everything around you, but you also draw more from these experiences.
Try a Little Kindfulness - Make kindness a conscious practice and infuse your life with everyday abundance, writes Dr David Hamilton
The more we care about others, the more we realise that most people are just like us - trying to figure things out and hoping for a good day. It's easier to fear what you don't know, but once you get to know people, the world seems a lot smaller and cosier. So next time you're tempted to scroll past someone's problem, dismiss someone's feelings, or just be in your own little bubble, remember: the world's a better place when we all give a little f*ck. Let's sprinkle that stuff everywhere like it's magical kindness glitter!
There's No Excuse to Slow Down! - Presenter, podcaster and author Gabby Logan talks to Psychologies about health, happiness, and overcoming hurdles in midlife...
Presenter, podcaster and author Gabby Logan talks to Psychologies about health, happiness, and overcoming hurdles in midlife...When TV presenter Gabby Logan started to experience brain fog in her late 40s, struggling to recall the correct word or name on live TV, she initially put it down to tiredness. 'I couldn't quite get that name or articulate in the way I had previously been able to, so I was concerned, but it coincided with lockdown and not doing any telly for a while. I remember feeling quite nervous going back to live TV.' But the former international gymnast soon realised that it was a symptom of perimenopause and promptly went onto HRT, which she says has balanced her hormones.
Kindle your creativity
Increase your sense of connection and support your self-expression, urges Caroline Butterwick
Fast and filling!
Join the high-protein revolution and eat better everyday, with these full-of-flavour recipes from nutritionist Scott Baptie's new cookbook
What's your optimum?
Eating well can cure what ails us, so why is it so hard? Anna Blewett discovers the secrets to a more resolved relationship with food...
"FRIENDSHIP DELIVERED SO MUCH OF WHAT ROMANTIC LOVE HAD PROMISED"
Author Marianne Power talks to Psychologies about self-love and the sisterhood...
Summer break or make!
Hello, lovers! September is here, and the lazy holiday season is behind us. And for many-me included - now feels like the perfect opportunity for a personal kick up the backside, and to embark on a relationship reset. In my work, it's typically women who take the first steps accessing couples' help, but recently (and encouragingly) I've noticed an uptick in men reaching out to get relationship advice and wanting to put the work in.
Time to spread their wings
As the seasons shift and shudder, threatening rhythm and routine, Heidi Scrimgeour embraces September in all its bittersweetness...
Big wild world
Caro Giles fills up her cup with summer colour and awaits autumn wonder...
