Have you ever felt that pressure to go along with what others want H in order to keep the peace over Christmas? Do you bite your lip when making plans with your nearest and dearest, or keep all too quiet on the family WhatsApp group for fear of offending someone?
It's a situation many of us fall into at this time of year. But whilst there needs to be a healthy give and take in our relationships, this can be a challenging balance to find alongside societal and family expectations, and even more so when we 'people please' or take on the responsibility of making everyone happy.
People pleasing is a compulsion to look after others at the expense of your own needs and wants. It's particularly prevalent at this time, as its roots are often found in childhood; feeling that a parent's love was conditional, or a parent was emotionally inconsistent or unavailable. So it makes sense that spending more time than usual with your relations, as so many of us do around the festive season, may bring up these emotions. Whilst making other people happy isn't a bad thing, when people pleasing goes into overdrive it can become a well-ingrained pattern of thoughts, feelings and behaviours driven by a fear of being rejected by others, rather than open-hearted giving.
Persistent pleasing
You can easily spot the signs that you are a people pleaser,' says healthy relationships coach Helen Snape. "These include saying "yes" to demands on your time; feeling responsible for how others are feeling; over-committing yourself; pretending that everything is fine; ignoring how you feel; avoiding conflict; and taking the blame when it isn't your fault.'
Denne historien er fra Christmas 2023-utgaven av Psychologies UK.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
Allerede abonnent ? Logg på
Denne historien er fra Christmas 2023-utgaven av Psychologies UK.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
Allerede abonnent? Logg på
Try a Little Kindfulness - Make kindness a conscious practice and infuse your life with everyday abundance, writes Dr David Hamilton
The more we care about others, the more we realise that most people are just like us - trying to figure things out and hoping for a good day. It's easier to fear what you don't know, but once you get to know people, the world seems a lot smaller and cosier. So next time you're tempted to scroll past someone's problem, dismiss someone's feelings, or just be in your own little bubble, remember: the world's a better place when we all give a little f*ck. Let's sprinkle that stuff everywhere like it's magical kindness glitter!
There's No Excuse to Slow Down! - Presenter, podcaster and author Gabby Logan talks to Psychologies about health, happiness, and overcoming hurdles in midlife...
Presenter, podcaster and author Gabby Logan talks to Psychologies about health, happiness, and overcoming hurdles in midlife...When TV presenter Gabby Logan started to experience brain fog in her late 40s, struggling to recall the correct word or name on live TV, she initially put it down to tiredness. 'I couldn't quite get that name or articulate in the way I had previously been able to, so I was concerned, but it coincided with lockdown and not doing any telly for a while. I remember feeling quite nervous going back to live TV.' But the former international gymnast soon realised that it was a symptom of perimenopause and promptly went onto HRT, which she says has balanced her hormones.
Kindle your creativity
Increase your sense of connection and support your self-expression, urges Caroline Butterwick
Fast and filling!
Join the high-protein revolution and eat better everyday, with these full-of-flavour recipes from nutritionist Scott Baptie's new cookbook
What's your optimum?
Eating well can cure what ails us, so why is it so hard? Anna Blewett discovers the secrets to a more resolved relationship with food...
"FRIENDSHIP DELIVERED SO MUCH OF WHAT ROMANTIC LOVE HAD PROMISED"
Author Marianne Power talks to Psychologies about self-love and the sisterhood...
Summer break or make!
Hello, lovers! September is here, and the lazy holiday season is behind us. And for many-me included - now feels like the perfect opportunity for a personal kick up the backside, and to embark on a relationship reset. In my work, it's typically women who take the first steps accessing couples' help, but recently (and encouragingly) I've noticed an uptick in men reaching out to get relationship advice and wanting to put the work in.
Time to spread their wings
As the seasons shift and shudder, threatening rhythm and routine, Heidi Scrimgeour embraces September in all its bittersweetness...
Big wild world
Caro Giles fills up her cup with summer colour and awaits autumn wonder...
Stories to inspire
I've always collected other women's inspiring stories. On the days I feel overwhelmed by self-doubt or fear, I gather them close. They are like sparks of light, igniting that voice within me that says, if they can do this, so can you...
