Forgiveness is an essential tool for our mental and physical health, our relationships, and our overall well-being. It's an act of strength and self-care that allows us to move on from painful experiences, and find peace within ourselves.
'Forgiveness is the act of letting go of the negative thoughts and feelings you hold towards a person who has harmed you,' says psychotherapeutic counsellor Alice Brooks. 'Without the ability to forgive, those negative emotions can stay with you, festering away and making you ill. By giving those malignant feelings an outlet, and breaking free from the negativity, you can replace it with a level of understanding - or, ideally, empathy for the wounding party, whilst still holding them accountable for the harm.'
To better understand the benefits of forgiveness, it helps to understand what happens when you don't forgive.
'When treated unjustly by others, people tend to get angry,' explains "forgiveness trailblazer" Dr Robert Enright. There is nothing wrong with initially becoming angry - anger, at first, is good. Yet, if that anger does not dissipate, and takes up residence in the person's heart, it becomes an unwelcome guest that doesn't know when it's time to leave. The initial anger can turn into toxic, unhealthy anger and can last for decades. It is this deep, long-lasting anger that causes harm by creating fatigue, restlessness, high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, and mistrust of others.'
'By not forgiving and holding on to resentment, we are keeping those bad feelings within ourselves, and allow the "persecutor" to continue to hurt us,' adds Brooks. 'We can only control ourselves and, so, to empower ourselves, we have to take action. We have to hang on to the steering wheel and decide where we want to go in the future. The harmful act may have harmed our past, but we can choose how much we allow it to harm our future.'
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Denne historien er fra August 2023-utgaven av Psychologies UK.
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