Why nesting with my ex saved our family

Nesting in the family home with an ex-partner can inspire a more conscious approach to dating after divorce

- Beth Behrendt

My ex-husband remarried last year. I recently became engaged. That’s not particularly unusual for ex-spouses who divorced nine years ago; most men and women who divorce between the ages of 35 and 54 remarry within five years. What is unusual for us is that my ex, Bill, and I still live in our family home with the three sons we had while we were married. Since our divorce, we have co-parented by nesting (aka birdnesting). Our children have continued to live in the family home while Bill and I take turns moving in and out to care for them.

We chose nesting for several reasons: continuity and comfort of daily life for our kids; less stressful than keeping track of three kids and their stuff between two places; and cheaper than setting up and maintaining two separate family-sized residences.

Initially, Bill and I agreed to try nesting for a year, to see how we all were adapting to life post-divorce. There were some bumps along the way, but Bill and I found that nesting just continued to be the best situation for our kids, and for each of us. Now, nine years later, our oldest is at university, two kids are still at home – and we’re still nesting.

When we started nesting, there were many questions from cautiously supportive friends and family, but the most common one was, ‘But how will you date?’ I agreed with them that dating as a divorced parent might be challenging. How potential dating partners might react to our nesting situation was an added concern.