Since I was a little girl, I dreamt of a fairy-tale ending, of growing up and falling in love, settling down and starting a family S of my own. When I was eight, my parents split up but instead of making me afraid of relationships and commitment, it only made me want it more. Playing with my doll's house, there was always a mum, dad and lots of children in my games, and, perhaps somewhat naively, I always just assumed that ideal family set-up would come true for me one day. But, of course, real life isn't like a fairy story and throughout my 20s and 30s one failed relationship seemed to follow another.
I turned to online dating apps in the hope of finding someone I envisaged a future with. But every time, it ended in heartache and I'd call my mum, Jackie, in tears. Mum always comforted me and while she was well meaning, telling me it would happen when I least expected it, I didn't believe her.
Bittersweet
It was painful watching my friends start families and share their children's milestones with pride. I hated being jealous, but I was, and it became increasingly harder to be around them. It only served as a reminder of what I didn't have, and I isolated myself more and more over the years.
But I never let go of my dream to hold a baby in my arms one day and by the time I was 36, I knew I had to try something different. My longing for a little one was only getting stronger, and I realised I didn't need a man in order to become a mother. I searched online for information about using donor sperm but it was clear I couldn't afford the cost of IVF in the UK. So, in March 2017, I travelled to Ukraine for tests.
Denne historien er fra December 18, 2023-utgaven av WOMAN - UK.
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Denne historien er fra December 18, 2023-utgaven av WOMAN - UK.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
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Lizzie's LONG LIST
No one in her family realised just how much she did at Christmas-but things would be different this year
SEX-MAS Is Our favourite season!
Slipping into a party dress and heels and heading out for festive drinks with your other half is always a treat, isn't it?
Life is different - BUT STILL *MAGICAL
After losing two limbs, Sarah de Lagarde cherishes every moment
We have chocolates for BREAKFAS
TV cooking stars John Torode and Lisa Faulkner reveal their blended family Christmas plans and why you should ask guests to bring a plate of food
It's time to CELEBRATE
After a tough few months, Ruth Langsford is ready to embrace her favourite time of year
T'LL BE DRUNK by 11.30am'
Chef and TV personality Gino D'Acampo on how to make Christmas run smoothly, his favourite tipple and why not to worry if it all goes wrong!
'Even the PETS HAVE STOCKINGS'
The star on all things Christmas and why she won't be making a New Year's resolution
LONELY HARRY wants to come home
After six years away, the prince is keen to spend Christmas in the UK, writes royal biographer Emily Andrews
Being blind won't stop me LIVING MY DREAM
When Sassy Wyatt lost her sight, she vowed to have a whole world of adventures
I gave birth to my own GRANDDAUGHTER
Kristi Schmidt was desperate to give her daughter the baby she longed for