HOPELESS ROMANTIC!

“My Valentine’s Day efforts always leave me in the doghouse,” chuckles regularly divorced Casanova

BRITAIN is a nation of romantics, and every one of us looks forward to Valentine’s Day. Come February 14th, there is simply no greater feeling on Earth than showering chocolates, flowers, and all manner of other amorous gifts onto that one person we cherish most in the world – our partner, be they boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife.

But for one Nuneaton-based bachelor, February 14th is not only the most special day of the year – it’s also the busiest. That’s because 62-year-old DIDSBURY PARSON is officially THE MOST ROMANTIC MAN IN BRITAIN™!

“It’s true,” chuckles the jobless quadruple divorcee. “I’m a big old softy, me – I can’t get enough of anything Valentine’s related.”

“Cut me and I bleed Love Hearts!” he laughs – a joke with a clever double meaning, since according to his GP, Didsbury’s blood sugar levels are dangerously high.

For years, romance-obsessed Parson has done everything in his power to orchestrate the perfect February 14th for whichever of his four ex-wives he happened to be with at the time. But sadly, the luckless Romeo’s best-laid plans never quite panned out the way he hoped.

“No matter what ultra-romantic gift or experience I roll out for my beloved on Valentine’s Day, it always seems to go tits up,” sighs the medically obese Prince Charming. “Sometimes I think I’m not only the Most Romantic Man In Britain™ – I’m also the Unluckiest.”