Questions You've Always Wondered About Your Libido

You’ve probably wondered more than once if your relationship with sex is normal. Do you think about it enough or too much? Are you having more or less sex than everyone else? And should you care?

- Carolyn L Todd

When broaching the subject of libido, it’s hard not to question how ‘normal’ your thoughts, habits and preferences are. But, like most concepts concerning our bodies, libido is a lot more complicated than many of us think. So, we asked sexual health experts to walk us through Libido 101, delving into common questions and the fascinating nuance that surrounds this subject. Hopefully, you’ll come away from this with a better understanding of what’s ‘normal’ and what to do if you still have questions.

WHAT IS LIBIDO, EXACTLY?

You might have heard this umbrella term used to describe a variety of sexual phenomena. “It’s one of those words that gets thrown around a lot, and [people can have] a different idea of what it means,” says Dr Madeleine Castellanos, a psychiatrist who specialises in sex therapy and author of Wanting to Want (Tao Health Corp; R264).

Experts typically use the term ‘libido’ to refer to the psychological aspect of sexual desire. “It’s that feeling of drive or motivation to engage in sexual behaviour,” sex and relationships researcher Dr Kristen Mark tells us.

IS IT THE SAME AS SEXUAL AROUSAL?

Not really, but they can be related. Dr Castellanos says that libido is about what’s going on in your mind (like when you’re lost in a hot fantasy), while sexual arousal is about what’s happening in your body (like getting wet if you have a vagina or getting an erection if you have a penis).