Is Your Man About To Cheat On You?

The problems in your marriage may signal an affair that’s waiting to happen. Here’s how to fix them before his cheating

- Sasha Gonzales

When Adeline* found out that her husband of 12 years was having an affair with his colleague, she was more surprised than devastated. The affair seemed to come out of nowhere.

“I really believed Darren* and I had a good marriage,” says the 42-year-old human resources manager. “We never really fought and we had an okay sex life. There was no reason at all for me to believe that he would betray me like that. When I found out about the affair, I wondered how our marriage had gotten to that point.”

The affair was short-lived and the couple decided to rebuild their relationship and attend counselling together.

When she looks back on her marriage before the affair began, however, Adeline says Darren displayed a few signs that he had “checked out” emotionally. “I didn’t realise it at the time, but he wasn’t happy at home,” she shares. “At certain points, I noticed that he was withdrawn. I figured it was stress-related and didn’t talk to him about it.”

Adeline recalls other occasions where Darren felt she didn’t appreciate him or care about him enough – issues that came to light only after they ʼd been for counselling. “Had Darren and I just been more open with each other about our feelings, and had we been more aware of the problems in our marriage, perhaps the affair would not have taken place,” she adds.

WHY PEOPLE CHEAT

Jasmine Siang, a psychotherapist at Heart-To-Heart Psychotherapy, says no one actually plans to have an affair. The majority of extra-marital affairs happen spontaneously.