TO BE A MIDDLE-AGED MAN IN SOUTHERN California is to find yourself saying, with alarming frequency, "Yeah, I'm one of those assholes now." If you've come from somewhere else-somewhere more corn-fed and homespun and other synonyms for unhealthy-you may adopt a wholesome habit out here. You may reap physical and emotional benefits, and you will be clowned to death by your friends from home. CrossFit, breath work, bullshitting through a gratitude journal-I've tried them all. Some have had a positive impact on my life; others have given me items to sell on OfferUp. (I'm looking at you, matcha stirring bowl.)
This year has been especially busy on the humiliatingly healthy habits front. Maybe it's a post-Covid focus on fitness, or a more robust wellness marketplace, or the fact that I hit my 50s and need to get that shit started now if I want to live forever. Whatever the reason, 2024 has been a boom time for people who want to sell wellness stuff to Dave Holmes, and the truth is that a lot of it works. Here's an incomplete list of the kinds of assholes I am now.
THE COLD-PLUNGE ASSHOLE
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Denne historien er fra Summer 2024-utgaven av Esquire US.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
Allerede abonnent? Logg på
I AM FALLING APART
At 48, I realized my professional dream of publishing a novel. Around that time, also gota staph infection, became diabetic, and started losing my vision. Will sce the end of my story?
WITH VINTAGE, SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF
The world is filled with fake throwbacks and questionable graphics. But real-deal, old-school sailing gear never disappoints.
WATCH CLOSELY
The finer details of Parmigiani Fleurier’s latest masterpiece reveal why the maker has become such a cult favorite
Giorgio Armani Is Never Done
We sat down with the maestro to chat about, well...everything
SOLAR POWER
What does the feeling of the sun shining on you smell like? Pharrell’s first fragrance for Louis Vuitton, LVERS, seeks to answer that question.
REBIRTH OF AN ICON
The Cartier Trinity, a favorite of legends like Gary Cooper and Alain Delon, gets a bold new look
Molto Rawdog!
You've heard of rawdogging” a flight? How about an entire trip to Italy? I believe in it with the zeal of the convert.
THE CYNIC THE TWO NATIONS
It's been twenty years since then. state senator Obama assured us there was not a liberal America and a conservative America. In that time, a new country has been building with fearful momentum. Can anything be donc to stop it?
VOTE OR DIE
I've voted in four different states. Now I'm a Black man in Arizona participating in the most consequential election of my lifetime whether certain white men want me to or not.
WAIT, BUICKS ARE COOL AGAIN?
Yes, with the Envista and a brand-new design language—based on one of the boldest concept cars in recent memory—GM’'s Buick is finally getting some love.
