CATEGORIES

BRITAIN'S THICKEST THIEVES!

Dimwits hired car with a tracker for burglaries

Luna-Tiks taking over the asylum

I'VE always hated those chuggers who infest the high street.

CROW BARRED

Birds attack locals who try to walk past school

Ghoul kicks off

ACE JERMAINE: FOUL-MOUTHED GHOST CALLED ME D*CKHEAD

A mountain of facts

EVEREST... 70 YEARS ON

PHIL'S HURT ME

Holly: He's told me lies

Al forecast gloomy on work front

WEATHER forecasting is the latest job at risk from artificial intelligence.

I fancy a nice Sunday roast!

COR-PHEW! Daytrippers pack the beach at Brighton as the nation basks in temperatures hotter than Corfu.

Swimmers in vampire fish terror

3FT BLOODSUCKERS INVADE RIVERS

BIG BUM AL'S TROUSERS ARE CUSTOM MADE

LORD Sugar says he can't buy off-the-peg trousers because his bum is \"too big\".

Arnie can't terminate getting old

MOVIE legend Arnold says he Schwarzenegger consulted boffins to try to reverse ageing.

CHIPPIES FACE A BATTERING

Cost of spuds hits takeaways

Bozo: It's stitch-up on Covid

BORIS \"Bozo\" Johnson has branded claims of more rule-breaking during the pandemic as \"nonsense\".

Bez: No one believes I'm speaking English

MONDAYS MAN'S LINGO LESSON

WITH GRAVY & I

Richard E. Grant scoffed 6 roast dinners a week

Racist AI fury

'THE MOST BEAUTIFUL FACES ARE ALL WHITE'

Giles killed birds with his air rifle

GOGGLEBOX star Giles Wood has confessed he used to kill birds as a boy.

BUILDER'S TEA GONE OFF BOIL

End for milk & 2 sugars

Haaland's Minecraft 'shame'

GOAL machine Erling Haaland has revealed an pastime of treble-chasing \"embarrassing\" playing Minecraft.

ZOMBIE GULLS HIGH ON SPICE

Terrified junkies' stash nicked

Bill: Jones a cig burn prankster

BILL Wyman says former Rolling Stones bandmate Brian Jones used to stub out cigarettes on his hands.

Show 'became fall-out zone'

IT'S not the first time Phillip Schofield has apparently fallen out with his colleagues.

TELLY DUO UP FOR A LAUGH

PHIL and Holly were famed for their fun-loving antics on the show.

Hammered ultras but I'm no hero

THE West Ham fan who fought off violent Dutch ultras trying to attack players' wives and families last night said: \"I'm no hero.\"

Strife of Brian

IDLE IRATE AT CLEESE OVER SHOW 'FIXES'

Sore Ron has shot at the yellow

POTTY world snooker champ Ronnie O'Sullivan weed on his fingers to try to treat blisters after practising too much.

£550 TO JUMP QUEUE FOR GP

NHS patients sick of waiting

Rishi hug at G7 for Zelensky

RISHI Sunak met up with Volodymyr Zelensky at the G7 summit as the Ukraine president closed in on obtaining the F-16 fighter jets he wants.

HOLLY 1 WALLY O

PHILLIP SCHOFIELD QUITS THIS MORNING AFTER FEUD WITH WILLOUGHBY.. AND EVEN THE GOPHER'S HAPPY

Harmy: Get Jof primed to Lord it over Aussies

ENGLAND are right to take every precaution to ensure Jofra Archer is “fit and primed” to burst into explosive Ashes action